She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
