I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
