TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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