Your face is a jimmy john
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
