I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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