party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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