I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
