I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
