So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
