I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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