the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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