i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
