I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
