I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
