dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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