I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
