dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
