I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
