Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
