The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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