My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
