Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
