I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
