I just saw a hot homeless man
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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