God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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