Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
