yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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