hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
