No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
