I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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