proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
