So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
