you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
