I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
