At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
