i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
