Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
