woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
