Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
