i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
