I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
