so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Hippo gnu deer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
