he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
