i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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