she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
