i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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