How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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