just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
