Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
