After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
